The Inexpressible Comfort of a True Friend

"Oh the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away." ~George Eliot

It was so good to get a surprise phone call from a dear and distant friend this morning. How God knows just when our hearts need some cheering up, and so this friend was like a warm ray of sunshine on a cold winter morning, shining on my heart.

Friendship is something that is indeed a rare commodity- at least the kind of friendship spoken of above; the kind of friendship where one is truly free to be who they are. With a friend such as that, minds are put ease, cares melt away and honesty can flow. People are able to process life and be honest about where they are. They can be free to be imperfect. Its not about someone judging you nor comparing you to anything. Its just about two people, sitting side by side and sharing their journey with one another- without judgement. For who can really judge but God? No one knows the soul like God does. What a comfort to be with a friend whom you can just be who you are and where you are. You won't be shunned, whispered about, nor frowned upon. You will just be loved and valued- another soul to make a connection with.

For more beautiful quotes on friendship visit my Friends and Sisters Board!

Do It Any Ways, It's Between You and God!

You Must Go Into the Pain

Some one I loved once gave me a box full of darkness;

It took me years to understand that,

this too, was a gift!"

~Author Unknown

Sometimes people ask, "Why can't you just put this behind you? Why do you let something that happened over twenty years ago ruin your life today?" That is a legitimate question that deserves a thoughtful answer. Please pay close attention.

For years, that is exactly what I did. I shut the door on my past and locked it up tight. I had a NEW life and I was not about to let my past interfere with the happiness I could now experience. I had a family, little children whom I adored and wanted the very best for. I threw everything I had into giving them all that I always wanted as a child- LOTS of LOVE and ATTENTION! I was 100% committed to completely forget about ME and focus on my little happy family. And I was pretty successful, although, through it all, I hobbled along. I didn't have a whole lot to draw from as to how to be a good mother, wife or homemaker. And many times my frustrations in myself mounted and completely overwhelmed me.

Our family was very dedicated and active Christians; My children were educated from home. I have so many wonderful and precious memories from raising three phenomenal children. But alas, all along the way, I hobbled- alone, insecure, always feeling inferior to my peers. At church, I never felt secure in Gods love for me. Every mistake I made caused great anxiety that I had brought his wrath down upon myself and my family. Whenever I was in group gatherings I felt watched and different and out of place. As my kids grew more independent, my depression grew, very slowly.

Depression is not feeling sad. Sadness and depression are completely different. When you are sad, there is a particular reason- someone dies and you feel a loss, or something like that. Depression, however is more evasive. Its more of a feeling of hopelessness- of life being completely pointless. Its engulfing and difficult to escape when its icy fingers get a hold of you.

Then, the nightmares began. Consistently I began to have nightmares of little children being beaten and I would be desperately trying to "save" them. Or I would be running from something sinister and evil. A sinking knowing came into my heart, that my past was coming back to haunt me whether I liked it or not.

I kept struggling with things about myself that I hated and wished were different but could never seem to change. One day, after a church meeting I went to an altar of prayer and someone met me there to pray with me. They asked if they could help me with anything. I suddenly began crying as if a dam had broken inside of me. I kept repeating about how I wished things were different in my childhood. In hindsight, I was shocked! I never knew that I was still carrying that around inside me.

One day God spoke to my heart and explained something to me. He said, if a person breaks their leg and never goes and gets it taken care of, that leg will heal itself, but not properly. That person will walk with a limp the rest of their life~ they will be lame. There are many things that will be harder for a lame person to do, than for a person with a normal leg. Also, that person will have phantom pains at times from the original break. Unless, that person sees a doctor and the doctor RE-BREAKS the leg and RESETS the break, he will die a lame man.

But to re-break a leg is painful- even more painful than the first time around. However, once it is SET RIGHT, the lame walk will no longer be an issue.

So it is in emotional healing ~ YOU MUST GO BACK INTO THE PAIN! You must re-experience what you went through, but this time with EXPERTISE help and support- YOU WILL SET THINGS RIGHT! It is YOUR CHOICE! You can CHOOSE to go on and live with your lame walk or you can choose to go back into the pain and correct it and grow stronger. And so, herein lies the answer to the question above of why sometimes one must go back.

One of the most difficult obstacles I have found in my healing journey is the judgement of people who do not understand and who think I should just "put this behind me and not let it bother me." I have learned that for the most part, people are like that because they personally do not want to be encumbered with the realities of life- not their own, nor anyone else's. Its easier to pretend that we are all happy. But we pay a price for that. We walk around lame where we could be made whole again.

One last thought along these lines. Whenever one embarks on a healing journey, it is IMPERATIVE that they have a *"physician-" and a support system in place- no different than any other affliction, you will need help. Otherwise you could do much harm to yourself.

And always keep the goal in view ~ WHOLENESS! So you don't get stuck in a bitter cycle of self-pity!
Everyone has a battle to fight and we can fight, we can WIN and we can be there to help others win too!

*your choice of  "physician" is very personal and should be sought out very carefully. There are various therapists and psychiatrists, but that is not always suitable for every person. Just make sure you have someone who has experience in helping people who have been through childhood abuse and that you personally feel comfortable with the person you choose. This will be a very important relationship.

Flu Prevention Strategies

We are in flu season again and from all I can gather, it is hitting pretty hard. Hospitals are overcrowded and there have been a number of reported deaths due to the influenza. I thought I would share what I use in my family to help prevent the flu from spreading. This year so far, only one family member in our household has gotten the flu- my son, who is an EMT. He had it for about a week, but thankfully it did not spread to the rest of us.

Here is some of the things I save no expense at procuring during flu season:

Echinacea is by far on the top of the list for us. That is because it has been tried and proven in my household as a preventative to ward off many sicknesses that we have been exposed to, presumably due to its ability to raise the white blood cell count. You can read more about this remarkable herb in this article: Health Benefits of Echinacea

Whenever we have been exposed to an illness or we hear that a flu bug is making its rounds in our area, we begin taking Echinacea for about two week intervals. It is not an herb that you would take continuously everyday. We take it for one to two weeks then quit for a couple weeks. Once flu season is over, we put the Echinacea away, only taking it if we become exposed to someone who is ill with something contagious. So far, it has seemed to really work.

Next in line would have to be Organic Apple Cidar Vinegar with the Mother. This is not your typical distilled vinegar found next to white vinegar. This is found in the health food department of your grocery store. It is somewhat cloudy in appearance.
Apple cidar vinegar's health benefits are just too numerable to even go into here so I will provide you another link here: Health Benefits of Apple Cider Vinegar 

I personally have used it to help with my acid reflex problem that I suffered with. Sometimes after I would go to bed it was so severe that I would wake up and vomit. I learned if I took a tablespoon of the apple cider vinegar instead, my symptoms would go away. It alleviates all kinds of stomach upset and is another way to combat viruses you are exposed to. You can drink it in a tea. One that we made that was actually very healthful was:
1 Tbs. APV
1 Tbs. fresh squeazed lemon juice
honey to sweeten

Which brings me to the next item- Lemons. Most of you know that lemon are almost unparalleled in their ability to combat cold viruses. Their remedy is timeless and yet people often forget. If you have access to a tree, all the more better. Just a small hint though; Whenever you make a tea, remember to use hot water, not boiling water. Boiling water will kill the good enzymes and so much of the good vitamins and benefits you are looking to garner from the lemon.

Lastly, we always keep a supply of good old Emergen-C. This product packs a whopping 1000 mgs, of Vitamin C in each packet you drink. You simply fill a glass with water and add the packet. No stirring or anything. Very refreshing with just a hint of sweetness. My daughter drinks one of these everyday after breakfast. Each packet also has seven B vitamins which help with your energy levels, antioxidants and electrolytes. You just can't go wrong with ths. If I am feeling a slump in the day, I will sit down for a minute and drink one of these and it will pick me of for a few more hours. No caffeine, just feeding my cells with some more fuel.

Besides all these great products, its so important to take those other precautions we all know about but sometimes tend to forget or ignore; Get plenty of rest. Wash you hands often. I keep hand wipes in my car. Whenever I go into a store or public place, I clean my hands when I get back into my vehicle.

At home, I wash ALL my produce with a mild liquid dish soap and water before eating them. This includes ones that will be peeled, such as bananas- after all, they have been handle a lot too. I try to not eat sugar very often. Sugar breaks down your immune system, especially when consumed in large quantities.

One mom told me that her pediatrician advised her to have her children wash their hands and change their shirt as soon as they come home from school to prevent the spread of the flu. She said it seems to have helped.

Well, I am sure everyone has things they could add to the list. Please feel free to leave a comment. Hope this has been helpful to some out there. TTFN~

A Day at Folsom Zoo

Beautiful day at the Folsom Zoo today. We had a most unexpected and glorious surprise when my husband spotted a Bald Eagle circling over head. I watched for at least five minutes until it flew away toward Folsom Lake and out of view. The Bald Eagle is not only special because it is our national bird and a rare bird to spot, but also it has great and personal significance for me. So to see one was really a special treat, a gift given from God's hand directly to my heart.

We also were able to pet some deer. They were the sweetest little and gentlest little animals and seemed to love being scratched and petted just as much as a purring kitten. The day was just gorgeous and the animals were so laid back, napping or basking in the sun.

Afterward we ate our lunch at some picnic tables just outside the zoo. We watched a little squirrel scurry up a tree with a 1" thick rope in its mouth about four feet long. Not sure what he planned on doing with that.

A Quiet Saturday Morning

A much needed California rain is here. With my husband being off work today, I decided to turn this lazy Saturday morning into restful one of soul rejuvenation and a little feminine pampering. Being able to sleep in is a luxury in itself. After spending time in reading from the Bible, quiet meditation, reflective spiritual journaling and visiting with my family, I retired to the bathroom to enjoy a luxurious bath, soaking in a lavender scented bath salts. I lit a candle and sank into the quiet morning, feeling grateful for the treasured friendships God has provided me, and how much more special this was knowing these lavender bath paraphernalia  were a gift from one of those special friends.

It's so still and quiet now. I gave my daughter the other bath soak and she is now enjoying a luxury bath. Later we will put cleansing masks on our faces and paint our nails as the fire crackles in the hearth. Dad is polishing a candle lamp stand, patiently waiting for a turn on the computer. :)

Lunch with Zoya

I was just about to resign myself to another quiet day at home, when I received a phone call from my good friend Zoya inviting me out to lunch. Enthusiastic to be with a wonderful friend that  and consistently encourages and puts strength into me, and knowing I was going to my first sushi restaurant, I was planning on taking lots of pictures and critiquing the food. But alas, I was so caught up in our warm visit that I completely forgot about taking pictures. Only in the last few minutes did I remember, while we were kicking back at the fountains enjoying the fire and deep in conversation.

Straight across from us the aromas of freshly baked bread continually wafted in our direction, so just before we left we made our way over to Boudin's and purchased some fresh baked bread. We both picked the whole wheat multigrain bread and I also got a loaf of the ciabatta sourdough bread, and let me tell you, I could not keep out of it on the way home. It was as good as eating a doughnut.

I think I will make up some garlic and herb dipping sop to go with the bread as part of our dinner. Mmmm...

Visualization

"What and how much had I lost by trying to do only what was expected of me instead of what I myself had wished to do?" ~Ralph Ellison, The Invisible Man

Today I got out for a walk with my dog. I have been working for hours trying to get these blogs launched. They still are not all that I want them to be. But I must be patient and take things slowly. I am one to want the results yesterday. I believe it is because I feel as if I am racing against time.

I have been practicing medative prayer in the mornings. After everyone is going, I sit on the couch in a meditation formation and quiet my mind before God. I read some from the Bible. I listen to God talk to my heart. I practice thankfulness and gratitude for all that I am and have in the now. And then I practice positive visualization and form of prayerful request for myself and others. Instead of asking right out, I visualize what I want to see accomplished. Sometimes I end up asking as well. But mostly I try to visualize. It is so peaceful. God is very near to me and my mind is so calm.

The mind is a very powerful thing. Even God says in his word, "As a man thinketh, so is he." We have to see ourselves the way we wish to be. We have to see ourselves with all the positive attributes we desire. We have to practice this until it becomes a habit.

How much of our lives are wasted because we have seen ourselves through the distorted mirrors that other people have given us. Because we have lived up to everyone else's expectations of us. So many of us have pressed out our true identity ~ we have become DEPRESSED!

Now its time to turn those mirrors away and begin to visualize ourselves in all the splendor and glory that God intended for us in our creation.

Excess! Excess! Excess!

If there is one thing that drains the energy from life and saps you of your strength, its all the excess STUFF we constantly have flowing in and that we let STOP when it arrives. One thing I am committed to this year and that is to move out the excess so there is more room for the healthy, new and fresh. Today I decided to unburden my purse. Every time I go to the store, I feel like Mary Poppins digging through my bag for to retrieve my wallet and then I lay out all the store cards and start sifting through, trying to find the right one for the store I am in. What a mess. Really, we are going to need a new system soon. Okay, here is what I eliminated from my purse:

Library cards I never use anymore; Cards for stores I never visit. Receipts I don't need. Who needs more than one pen in their purse? Hair bands, outdated coupons. I am always sticking coupons in my purse and then forgetting about them. If I cannot think of a way to remember them, I need to quit saving them. Maybe I should add them to my grocery list?

I also took my tree down this week and eliminated more stuff that we do not put out on Christmas, although, admittedly, I could have done better with that. I think I will sneak out and get rid of more. HE HE! I always think in my mind I could SELL it. SIGH! And here it sits, clogging up my life. I just need to move the stuff on.

A Blessing For You

Happy Birthday at Six Flags

For my birthday this year I wanted to do something FUN and with my family. Originally I had planned on going to the snow to go tubing, but we are experiencing a drought here in California and so I decided to go to Six Flags and ride roller coasters. I must say, it was quite and experience. Its been years since I have ridden on roller coasters. My son-in-law took me on the fastest most intense roller coaster the park had to break me in~ Super Man. Good thing it was a quick ride.

The weather was beautiful. Since we went on a weekday, the park was not overly crowded. A most magical moment for me was petting some stingrays. A stingray seems like an unlikely creature to ever feel a bit of magic with, but at this bath there was about seven to ten rays swimming around in a shallow lukewarm pool that was open to the public to pet them. They felt a little soft and slimy. But what became magical was the way they all began to gather around me. I asked the overseer if they liked the attention and he said that stingrays have demonstrated an attraction for human attention. They would swim over to me and flip there flippers up the side of the pool towards me as if they were trying to illicit more of my attention. It was really cute. They reminded me of dolphins in their personalities.

My daughter and I bought each other a necklace. She picked out the turtle and I picked the blue dolphin.

Riding roller coasters, petting stingrays, spending time with my family, it was all a wonderful way to begin a new year!

Happy New Year!

January 1 begins a new year for all and January 5 is my birth date. This year I turned 46. Up to date my 40's have been a very trying time of life for me. You can read more on my  "about" page when it is up. But for now, to launch a new year, a new beginning a new outlook, I would like to say HAPPY NEW YEAR!
May this year bring you JOY and PROSPERITY! May your journey through life be rich and may the lessons it teaches you be a light and way mark to all who follow. That is my hope for you and the desire of my heart for my own life.
If I have learned anything in life, I have come to know, that life is a beautiful mystery, ever unfolding before us. Life is a teacher and we are the students. And the deepest most profound lesson it has to teach us is the most simplest- the lesson is always LOVE! This is my journey, from 46 on~ challenged, overcoming, proving that the rest of my life can be the BEST of my life!!!